Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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