At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
