My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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