Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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