in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
