I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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