Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
