I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
