Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
