My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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