Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
