Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
