First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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