this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
