Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
