i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
