I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
