I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
