dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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