I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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