Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
