Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
