I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
