i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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