Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
