What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
