i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
