I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
