How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
