Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
