I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
