Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
