Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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