Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
