my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
