dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
