Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
