i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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