Will you blow on my dice?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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