So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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