U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
