Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
