Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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