so explain again why im purple
no
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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