If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
