I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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