Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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