I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
