I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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