I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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