Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
